In an earlier post we recast an Apple patent claim into “up-goer-five” style by rewording the claim using only the 1000 most common words available (according to this xkcd comic). We weren’t planning on revisiting this style of drafting but ipcopyemily worked up a description of the unitary patent package for the IPcopy team’s amusement and I thought it was too good not to share. So, without further ado, here’s the unitary patent package in “up-goer-five” format. You might think it makes more sense than the real version but I, of course, couldn’t possibly comment.
This is the last time we’ll do this…..promise…..probably…..
All about the new big piece of paper
At the moment, you can get a piece of paper that tells people they aren’t allowed to take your really good idea and make money out of it. The piece of paper only works in one place in the world, so you need different pieces of paper for different places. If someone takes your idea and makes money from it in a place where you have a piece of paper, you need to take them to a big room where a man tells them not to do it again, and makes them give you some money.
Some of the places in the world are quite close together and have made a group of friends. The group of friends like to meet up and do things like decide about stuff that everyone in the group can do, or can’t do, or should do or might like to do.
The places in the group thought it would be a good idea if they made a new piece of paper that was really big, and that worked in all of the places in their group of friends. They thought that, this way, the people who had the ideas wouldn’t have to pay so much money to get the bits of paper.
Everyone agreed it sounded like quite a good idea, except two of the places. They didn’t like the idea because people speak in different ways in the different places and they thought that would make the new big pieces of paper confusing. So these two places said that the new big piece of paper wouldn’t work in their place.
The places that were left wrote down their ideas about the new big piece of paper and decided that this would tell everyone how the new big piece of paper would work.
The places that were left also decided that, to make the new big piece of paper work, they would need to make up a new and even bigger room. It would have new men who could tell people off for taking ideas and making money out of them in any of the places where the piece of paper works, and make them pay money for all of the places at the same time, instead of just one place. So they wrote down some important things about the new even bigger room.
Now that all of the things have been written down, the people that run the places have to read them again, and say yes to them. Once enough places have said yes, which might take quite a long time, and will probably take longer than the places thought it would, you will be able to get a big piece of paper that works in all the places.
Can you do better? Want to try your hand at another IP subject? If so, we’d love to hear from you in the comments below.